Parenting eyes wide open

My two daughters just left to go back to college after a few short days home for Thanksgiving. With four years having a child in college, I’ve learned that it’s not as difficult saying good-bye after this particular visit, because we know Christmas break is mere days away. In that spirit, my oldest hugged me good-bye and said “I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

Instead of comfort, her words sent a wave of sadness through me.

Time passing cuts both ways. Just as we hope the time away from our children will whiz by, so do the moments we have them. I went into parenting eyes wide open. But I was not prepared for what could happen in the blink of an eye.

In today’s melancholy moment, I remembered a poem I wrote when my youngest entered middle school. As their dad drove them to the airport, I pulled it out … and had myself a good cry.

NEVER BLINK
by Becky Blades

When did it happen?

When did she slip out
of that safe place
among
my never-to-lose things?

I’ve been watching
every minute.

So when did it happen?

When did she grow
stunning and tall standing
and not as demanding?

When did she grow
plans and schedules
and orbits around her?

When did she grow
up and
away?

What did it look like
the day
she outgrew
reading out loud at bedtime?

And leaving the milk out?

And needing me
every part of every day?

I tried to keep the paper tabs
from tearing.

I tried to keep them
wrapped loosely
around her
keeping her
merely modestly covered,
never smothered.

I tried to remember
that my grip
was a fleeting fashion.

I tried not to notice
when the tabs broke, mercifully, one at a time
whispering kindly
that our shift was nearly done.

I tried only to wink
to never close both eyes at the same time
to always see enough
to make
the timing
mine.

But,
I must have.

I must have blinked.